Wow. Negative 18 when we woke up this am. Seriously. It was kind of hard to wrap my mind around it so I stopped my husband from walking the dog because I said I wanted to feel what -18 felt like…..that was my first mistake. Holy. Balls. I will tell you what it feels like – it feels like a million angry bee’s are biting you with Ben-Gay on their stingers. Wait, make that two million angry bee’s.
So with negative 18 degrees comes kids stuck in doors all day……ALL day. Not even a breath of fresh air hit their lungs – except for when I came in from the angry Ben-Gay bee swarm. It had me appreciating the days of summer, hell, even the days of 12 degrees.
It also got me to thinking about all the things, like getting outside, that are completely underrated and simply just do not get enough credit for existing. Just being there…Things like:
The bathroom door lock. Such a little thing but so awesome. When your kids fight over who gets to flush your pee down the toilet, it is nice to be able to shut the door, turn that lock and whiz in peace. Generally not peace as there are usually 4 tiny fists banging on the door but I will take what I can get.
Good Breath. This is one of those things you do not appreciate until you have the unfortunate experience of talking to someone who has horrible breath. I am talking that knock you out and kill a cactus breath. I talked to someone the other day who had breath that smelled like an angry outhouse on fire. It was that bad. It sort of hurt my brain it was so terrible. I was trying to talk and not breathe at the same time which is very hard to do. I ended up sounding like Pee Wee Herman. (On a side note, if you ever talk to me and I have toilet breath, just tell me).
A Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich. When was the last time you had one of these? You forget how good they are. When I make them for my kids I hover over them like a vulture just waiting for scraps. I will even take the stale crust. If you have not had one lately go ahead and make yourself one. You will not be disappointed. I recommend grape jelly and smooth peanut butter on wheat….but not that wheat bread that has full bird seeds and oatmeal bits, just plain old wheat.
A king size bed. If you do not have one of these you are missing out. I forget how awesome it is until I sleep in one of those double beds with my snoring husband and two baby alligators. Some day my kids will actually spend the entire night in their bed but for now, Every morning, about 3 am, my pals come hand in hand and fight over who gets to sleep by me. If they had their way, they would sleep on top of me. At least when you are in a king size bed you have an extra inch or two to move. In a double bed we are stuffed in there like baby dills in a jar….almost like a game of Jenga trying to fit in the damn thing.
A good set of tweezers. Have you ever gone to tackle those pesky chin hairs or try and tame your unibrow using a terrible tweezers? You feel like you are tugging on a buttery whisker that is mocking you with every tug. A good set of tweezers can be life changing….especially when you are italian.
A pee diaper. You know the kind, the opposite of the poop diaper. When you get all ready to change a giant dump, you open it up and wah-la – just pee. We call those “ghost poops” in our house. You swear it is going to be the kind where the poop resembles mustard and is half way up the back and you undo those tabs one by one to be surprised by whiz. Simply whiz. It is like winning the lottery.
Good salami. The fancy stuff that is about half an arm and a leg a pound – has to be genoa. Sometimes I cheap out and get Hormel or whatever is on sale at the deli then try and have it with good cheese and crackers. It is like gnawing on an oily nub of cat food. No thanks. I regret it every time. I am pretty darn frugal but there are a couple things that I pony up for and salami is one of them. So are pretzels, milk, crackers, juice, bed sheets, lotion and baby wipes. Everything else is up for grabs. Store brand Honey Nut Cheerios? No problem there.
Tiny hugs. These are the best kind out there and today I got about 83 because we were in close quarters all day. When they are running all day and in school this number drops dramatically. Today I got them out of nowhere and several “I love you’s” just out of the blue. These are the absolute best parts of my day. In our house we like “Holding Hugs”. That means you have to stand up and hug them tight, tight, tight and they wrap their little legs around you and you rock side to side for a good 30 seconds, sometimes longer if you got the groove going. There is nothing better in this world than a “holding hug” from one of my pals who tells me I am their best friend and I am so pretty. You feel like Costanza from Seinfeld trying to leave on a high note – because nothing can top it. I think nothing can top my kids though.
So, with school cancelled tomorrow we get to do it again and it is fun! A whole fun free day to do stuff with your kids is amazing but when you have to do it at home, your options become a bit limited. No one wants to come visit b/c they do not want to leave their cozy house either. We already have cookie baking on deck along with foot painting (not finger – “FOOT” painting). This was all L.A.’s idea. There were several mentions of scrambled eggs so I am sure I can fit those in….just no more Dora. I will kick her right out the D-D-D-Doora with my giant winter boot. Mickey Mouse Clubhose I can get down with or Despicable Me 2. I just need Coffee for me and french toast sticks and egg nog with apple slices to get my pals morning going…..should be smooth sailing from there – until I need to use my tweezers.
