The other day I was trying to get ready for work and do about 19 things while getting my pals ready for school.  Miss Eden was in my bathroom and I admit I was half listening as I was attempting to multi-task.  I heard her say about 3 times, “Mommy, they are so pretty.  I love them.”  About 2 minutes later, she walked up to me and said, “Mommy, the new one’s are so pretty.  I love them.”

Wait a second, the new “what’s” are so pretty?  What are you talking about?

“Your new “tampots” Mommy.  They are so pretty.”  (That is what my pals call them – tampots, not tampons).

Wow.  It took me a minute but this is what she was referring to:

I have to admit, they are pretty fancy, even jazzy and futuristic.  I mean, look at those neon swirls?!?

Considering here is my old stand by, I can see my fashionista’s excitement with my new monthly haul.

I guess I always wanted to have a girly girl who appreciates the finer things in life, even if it is simply a “tampot”.

She likes sparkles, and pink and the everything frilly…..and she likes a fancy tampon, and I cannot blame her.  The difference for a 3 year old girl who wears lip gloss to bed is quite substantial.

As I was getting my pals ready for bed tonight, I found a couple of my new “tampots” in her room…..in her Hello Kitty purse.  Sounds about right.  God, do I love this girl.

She is my girly girl dream come true.  I save EVERYTHING for these giant memory boxes I have for all my pals….and you better believe one of my fancy “tampots” is going in there so we can look back one day and laugh and laugh.

Do you remember when Gardetto’s took over the world in about 1986?  Those rye chips and then the garlicy breadsticks and I think a pretzel stuck in there.  Well, we make a version over there that is not a snack mix but you can add pretzels, cheese balls etc and zip it up.  Really go all out.  You can do it.

We make Ranch oyster crackers just to snack on.  My pals love them and they are NOT chips.  Give them a whirl, throw them in a ziploc bag and they are a great little snack.

Here is what you  need:

THIS GUY.  He is the most important part of the recipe, so do not skip this step.  He is the boss.  He will monitor your measurements and if you are off, watch out.  He may come for you.  He is a bit of a stickler.

After Abbott the Enforcer clears you, go ahead and get your ingredients:

PREHEAT OVEN TO 250 degrees

You need:

5 cups of Oyster crackers

1/4 cup Canola oil

1 package ranch dressing

2 Tbs dill weed

Couple dashes of garlic power if you have it, if now, screw it….not life changing.

Mix the oils and seasonings and spread over the crackers and mix, mix, mix,

Set your oven for 250…..let them cook for 15 minutes, take them out and stir.  Return them to the oven for another 10-12 minutes and remove and stir.  That is it.  Easy Peasy.

Then grab this guy before he breaks his tiny noodle.

He thought lugging is stool to the counter while wearing his sisters hat over his eyeballs was a great idea.

Anyway, it is an awesome easy snack……we add pretzels, cheese balls and other snack things….bugles too.  Oh yes, Bugles.  Love those things.  Or just east them right like this.   My husband will eat a whole bowl.  I like to put them in my chili.  Bottom line – ranch crackers are pretty tits.  Most of the time we eat them just like this – plain and simple.  My pals wanted them in their lunch tomorrow instead of pretzels or chips.

A great inexpensive snack that we love at camp Gerbrecht.  My mom also does the same method with with pretzels.  Also a delight.  Now get on it.  You will love it for a great snack when you are desperado.

I never thought I would live in a house where having 6 cartons of milk is normal.  We go through so much milk at camp Gerbrecht I really should invest in a cow…and someone to pull on the teets to get the milk to come out because God knows I am not doing that.

Butters has to drink Whole milk and my pals drink 1%.  They come in packs of 3 from Costco so we are usually holding steady between 4 and 6 cartons at any given time.  God forbid we run out.  I remember the days when I used to have milk expire as it would get pushed to the back of the fridge and I would find it right before it had turned to small curd cottage cheese. Those days are long gone.  My pals, all 3 of them, LOVE milk.  They love it white, they love it pink, they love it chocolate.  L.A. in particular would drink a gallon a day if we let him.  We have learned that this is one of the reasons why he ALWAYS has a runny nose.  Always.  Apparently dairy leads to mucus, who knew?  We are trying to get him aboard the Almond milk train and it is not working.  I cannot blame him though.  That stuff tastes like a sweet armpit.   Yama mama.

I have never been a fan of milk unfortunately.  Cheese, on the other hand….I like it all, right down to orange American cheese.  The best cheese is Burrata.  If you have not had it, I suggest you run, don’t walk to go find it.  The best is made by BelGioiso which is run by a really nice Green Bay family.

Just check out the description, “Fresh mozzarella cheese filled with shreds of Mozzarella soaked in cream.”  It is like a giant ball of fresh mozzarella that you cut into and it oozes with a creamy surprise – more gooey cheese.  Sometimes I have it for dinner with a loaf of crusty italian bread and some really good Genoa salami.  You cannot go wrong.  I cannot tell you if my pals like it or not because I have never shared it with them.  I know they would love it and I would end up getting the short end of the stick, which means I would get nothing.  Nada.

The other one that is a huge hit in our house is Munster cheese, or as we call it “flat cheese”.  When Miss Eden asks for flat cheese, she means Munster.  She does not mean she wants any old piece of cheese that is flat or sliced.  She wants a thin slice of salty Munster from the deli.  She could eat about 12 slices in one sitting and I cannot blame her.  Papa (my dad) learned this code word through an afternoon tantrum where he tried to give her a piece of cheddar that he cut off the block.  Not even close.  Poor Papa, “but this is flat cheese, I don’t see what the problem is.”   There are a lot of problems.

1. You sliced it. 2. It is orange. 3. It is not Munster.

Any questions?

There are a few things that really get me excited and googly eyes are one of them.  I don’t know why they crack me up so much but starting today, I have decided I am going to keep them with me always so I can just add them to things to spice them up.  I have an embarrassingly extensive craft supply collection and I have about 457 googly eyes, all different sizes.  I have the tiniest of tiny up to some that are about the size of half dollars.

Today when I got home from work (I just had a quick client in the am.  Checked out a few awesome pads right by Wrigley Field.  LOVE my job) my pals first question was, “Mommy, what is our project today?”  You see, I have started this thing where we do one project a day.  It can be anything from a craft to making cookies to building a snowman.  ANYTHING other than watching TV.  I am the first to admit that we watch WAY too much TV in our house.  It is the weather that endorses it.  When it is too cold to go outside, there are only so many projects you can do, so many pictures you can draw, so many baths you can take, so many towers you can build, so many times you can pull eachother’s hair – you get my drift.

So today, we grabbed the googly eyes, popsicle sticks, pipe cleaners, pom poms and glue and went to town.  We started with caterpillars…..in party hats or course.

L.A. had to pick the largest eyes for his caterpillar he named Buzz.  He also requested that it had a “President’s hat.”  Like Abraham Lincoln.  Hey, at least he learns something at school other than how to pick his nose and sometimes eat it.

Then we moved on to snowmen.  Pink snowmen, naturally.

Then we moved on to spiders.  We made spiders for a couple of our best pals, Wolfie and Ro and spiders for Nana, Nonie and Papa, Uncle Cory and Aunt Sas too.  Mommy works the glue gun while they kind of just boss me around.  I have about 324 tiny blisters to prove this went down today.  Damn, that thing gets H.O.T.  It does not mess around.  That “low temp” glue is a rip-off too.  It is all the same – hot as balls.

So then after we cleaned up our mess, Miss Eden had to use the can and I was in there chatting with her when she pointed to the window lock and asked me what the turtle’s name was.  I was so confused.  Our bathroom window has been on order as it is a weird size so it is about 80 years old and has a really old school lock that actually does look like the side view of a turtle.   A light bulb went off in my head and I grabbed a googly eye and some glue.

It does look like a turtle.  We named him Tippy.  Then we thought our 1976 thermostat needed an upgrade so we got out the tiniest eyes we could find.

And here is where it will start.  Googly eyes are going to be my new thing.  I have always loved them but until Miss Eden decided “Tippy” needed to come to life, I guess I have not let them reach their full potential.

There is way more to be done with googly eyes than make spiders and snowmen.  You have been warned.

And on a side note, this was “my guy” in the tub tonight.  He naps during our projects but I hate to leave him out.  He really does get cuter by the second.  Sir Butters, you are my guy.

“Mommy, put some googly eyes on something that rolls out of my diaper.”

Do you feel like everything is “cake batter” flavor lately?  I feel like it is taking over, kind of like wasabi and truffle oil did a few years ago.  Also owls and mustaches…..and the color blue, grayish blue to be exact.  My entire house happens to be grayish blue.  What can I say?  I guess I am a follower.  Do you remember when everyone had a red room, usually a dining room, about 10 years ago?

Well, we decided to make cake batter brownies and holy balls.  They are sweet.  My husband and kids LOVED them so I decided to share the recipe.  Me on the other hand – blech.  I am not a sweets fan.  I would much rather devour a bag of Doritos than a box of chocolates, just me.

Here is what you need……and yes, it helps if you by a box of cake mix that is 69 cents.  (On a side note, why am I so cheap sometimes?!?!?  Lord, help me.  Duncan Hines was 2.19 and this was 69 cents, I could not help myself).  And don’t ask where the top is to my sprinkles because it has been missing since Christmas.

Ingredients:

-1 box yellow cake mix (the cheapest shit you can find)

-1/4 cup oil (I use Canola for baking, don’t ask why)

-1 egg

-1/2 cup milk plus a tablespoon

-Sprinkles (the tiny ball kind) about 1/4 cup

-1/2 cup white chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Mix the first 4 ingredients and make sure you fight over who gets to lick the spoon.  Screw it, just take out two spoons.

It will be pretty darn thick, this is normal.  After you mix it all together, add the sprinkles and the chocolate chips.  Then spread it in a greased pan.  Then add more sprinkles, naturally.  Not the big 9×13, I think the one I use is 8×8.

I bake it for 25 minutes but some ovens could go up to 30.  When you take them out they will still look a little gooey in the middle, this is normal.  You have to let them set for at least 30 minutes before you cut into them.

Now the final and most important step is to make sure you fight over the brownies after they cool down.  Really do it up.  Run around the house with the pan and scream that you want them all and you will not share.  Just before you are about to get a time-out, give the pan back to your Mom.

Serve them with a giant cup of milk.  Or you could skip this recipe all together and hide in your closet and eat an entire bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos.  It might be easier.

I LOVE to cook…..it is seriously one of my favorite things to do.  Now the clean up, that is another story.  I get it from my mother who is the most amazing cook.  EVERYTHING she makes is out of this world and she learned from the best – Grammy Coradini.  My Grammy was the sweetest, kindest little pint sized Italian lady.  She made everything from scratch – pasta, gnocchi, cinnamon rolls, marinara, you name it, she made it and she made it taste like a dream.

Everyone should have a Grammy Coradini in their life.  We lost her this past year but I think about her everyday.  She was really special to all of us.  She made her grandchildren feel special, all 12 grandchildren and all 23 great grandchildren.  When I was little I used to spend a week with her during the summer and she would take me to work with her.  She was a caterer of sorts.  She would cook and serve dinner parties for some elite families on the North Shore of Chicago.  She would take me with her and I would be her prep cook.  She would let me help serve the fancy people.  I have such amazing memories of this and it is where my love of cooking started.

Over Christmas we all got together and cooked all of Grammy’s favorite recipes, drank loads of vino and just hung out to celebrate her.  It was a great night.  One that I hope will become a tradition.  This past Christmas was our first without her.  We remembered her in style.  She would have LOVED it.

She made the best homemade tortellini and banana cream pie.  The absolute best.

I did not get blessed with a nice ass, a green thumb or a tidy house but I did get blessed with an amazing family.  We have 7 kids in our family and one awesome Mom (and Dad).

So the other day when I was making one of our favorites, “Good shit Indian chicken”, I turned my back for a second and my giant baby had pushed the time out stool into the kitchen to help.  (On a side note, if you have not made that Indian chicken recipe I posted, do it.)

Then his older brother got wind of what was going on so he wanted to help too.  How can I say no to these guys?  I try but I am not very good at it.

I love that my pals love to cook and help Mommy cook….well, I use the term “help” loosely.  Everything takes longer and is messier than I bargained for but it is awesome.  My pals can lick a beater clean in about 3.2 seconds.  They have also been known to crack a dozen eggs on the floor and dump out a 5 lb bag of flour but Mommy was to peeved to take photos of that.  Peeved is putting it nicely, very nicely.

So tonight they want to make their favorite for dinner – english muffin pizzas.  They like to compete to see who can fit the most pepperoni on their pizza.  Last time we made these (which was last week), I ended up cleaning pizza sauce off the kitchen lights so wish me luck.

Grammy Coradini would be so proud of these little guys.  I know I am.

Why oh why do I do stuff like this?  My sister yells at me for doing things like this all the time.  I go overboard on everything and set a standard that is hard to live up to.  Now I have gone and done it with the snack bags for my kids lunch.  I couldn’t just leave it alone and jot their names down on the bags and throw some Cheez-its in there and call it a day.  I had to start decorating the bags and now EVERY night at tuck in time my kids have wild requests for what they need to have drawn on their bags.  Yesterday I ran out of time so just wrote their names on the bags and poor L.A. was so sad.  “Mommy, you didn’t draw me a picture and that made me sad.”

They started like this….names with a star sticker.  This was not good enough for me so after a few weeks, we moved on.

I went and got fancier stickers but that still was not quite enough.

This style lasted for about a week and then they started with special requests.  Minnie and Goofy.

Then it happened, they started asking me to surprise them with their bags.  So now 3 nights a week at about 10:00 pm I sit on the couch with a bucket of markers drawing on my kids lunch bags.

I can’t go back to the lame name and star sticker at this point.  This was all my own doing and I am in for the long haul now.  Maybe it makes up for the fact that this is what is in their lunchbox every day.

Peanut Butter and Jelly on wheat toast, cut in half with some sort of fruit and some other random treats.

If I wasn’t too much of a miser I would do hot lunch but 6 bucks a day (x2) is ridiculous so my pals get homemade lunches.  I color on their fruit with sharpies so that counts for something, right?

I have screwed myself in the same regards with my kids birthday parties.  What happened to having just cake and ice cream?!?!  My pals turn 4 in May and they are already talking about their party.  Lord.  Help.  Me.

Holy balls.  He did it.

Don’t mind the fact that he has been wearing the same shirt for 2 days straight but pay close attention to the sippy cup…..IN HIS MOUTH!  This is a huge feat as the poor kid was terrified of the thing.  He would break out into hives simply by looking at the thing.  He treated it like it was an atomic bomb filled with teeth, eyeballs and dung.

Way to Go Abbey Road!  Nice work Butters!  Congratulations Abbott the Rabbit.  You did it.  I knew you could.  You are my giant baby and I am so proud of you.  Not only do you have such a gorgeous mop of orangey blond hair, you can now hold a sippy cup.  There is really no stopping you now.  Set your sights high.  I will get you your own roll of toilet paper as I think pooping in the toilet is up next.  Can you imagine?

Just picture this….swap out the tiny stool for a toilet.  The best part is that he would do it with this amazing grin on his face and his hair all perfectly in place.  He would be proudly showing off those tiny chiclet chompers.

A friend told me that he reminded him of Linus from the Peanuts gang.  This made my day.

This kid is A-W-E-S-O-M-E.  Oh the places you’ll go Abs.  First the sippy cup, then the toilet then a clerk at Best Buy. I love you more than you could possibly fathom.  You are my giant baby, my sidekick, my amigo, my pride and joy. My dream come true.

Oh, Pinterest, I hate you and love you all at the same time.  But today, in particular, I love you.  Thank you for the awesome idea to give my kids some gumdrops and toothpicks and let them pass a good 87 minutes.  We almost made it to a nice round 90 minutes but we were just shy.  I will take it though.

This is all you need.  I got a giant box of gumdrops at the grocery store for about 3 bucks.  I had to ration the number of drops so nobody vomited from sugar overload.  Although much to my surprise, they barely ate them.  Mommy bought spice drops so they were revolting.  They tasted like a dirty tube sock dipped in a spicy clove.  Blech.  My dad loves these things.  I do not get it.

This is a tee pee.

This is a jackhammer.  How in God’s name does he know what a jackhammer is?  The other day he told me he wanted to get a scorpion.  I asked him how he knew what a scorpion was.  Dora told him.

So the next time you are at the store, pick up a box of gumdrops (make sure they are spice if you don’t want them to eat them) and a couple boxes of toothpicks.  I promise you will not be disappointed.

I always feel like I have achieved something when my pals do something that does not involve TV, an ipad or Mommy’s phone.  I cut myself some slack with all this weather we are having and you should too.  So gumdrops and toothpicks it is.  Enjoy!

Thank God.  It has been a long road with this whole “bottle to sippy cup” transition.  But the good news is that he does not let out a blood curdling scream when it comes near him.

Butters will actually let it within a 3 foot radius of his buttery loins now.  He won’t drink out of it, not even close but we are making progress.   He actually touched it today, with his giant mitts.    I try every darn day but we are wasting a lot of milk over here so I have eased up on the replacement timeline.  I just let the milk hang out in there for about 20 hours…..right before it gets to the cottage cheese stage.  Then I dump it out and refill the damn thing and hope for the best.  I kid, I do not leave it in there that long…..and only once did it get cheesy.  Or twice.  OK, maybe three times but that is it.  I like cottage cheese though so this could be a win win.  The small curd kind of cottage cheese is the best.  I eat it with salt and pepper not fruit.  That is one thing I will never understand.  When people put fruit with cottage cheese.  Canned peaches in particular.  It gives me the heebie jeebies.  You know what else gives me the heebie jeebies?  French dressing.  And anything related to a pimento.

So Butters discovered today that he loves graham crackers…and still hates his sippy cup.  On a side note, when was the last time you had a graham cracker?  They are one of those things you forget about.  You forget how good they are.  Put a little peanut butter on the thing and you are good to go.

The bad news for Butters is that we are officially going cold turkey on the bottles, effective immediately.  We just got back from a quick weekend to God’s country, ahem, Green Bay WI, and we left our last remaining bottle there.  We started out with 3 dozen bottles and about a week ago we were down to three and then somehow one which has turned to none today.  We discovered we left “the bottle” in Wisconsin about 17 minutes ago.  So either he is going to get the hang of this or I am going to have to feed him like a baby bird with an eye dropper.  Damnit, I guess I should suck it up and take a trip to Walgreens.  But staying put and making homemade cottage cheese in a sippy cup seems like a way better option right now.  It is about 2 degrees outside and I am extremely lazy right now.  Decisions, decisions….