It is that time of the year.  The air is f’ing freezing.  I can see my breath.  The tree is up.  Thanksgiving is done. The leftovers are gone.  You know what this means…..Bribery is in full effect.

I do not feel bad about this but I have been using the whole “Santa” bribe since the end of October but now that the season is really here, holy balls is this amazing.  My kids are like angels.  They reprimand each other.

Mornings are usually like hell frozen over but not anymore.  My kids pop up, ready to put their wrinkly uniforms on, brush their teeth, do their hair and run down and see where the damn elf is.  Peanut.  I love Peanut.  His my main squeeze.

I gotta admit.  Peanut does not do much.  He does not make tiny pancakes or set up Lego forts but he does take a marshmallow bath and leave a scathing note about saying “please” and “thank you’s”.  I love the mom’s that go bonkers with them, I really do.  My goal in life is to be the best mom ever, and I do pretty good but I fail with Peanut.  I move him.  He gets into a tiny bit of trouble but the overall time exerted every evening is less than 2 minutes.  Today I hung him from a hole in my ceiling that I have been yelling at my husband for one year….yes, one year to cap off.  I guess good things come to those who wait.  A perfect place for Peanut to hang from an active electrical cord hanging from a ceiling…..wait, do you smell something burning?  Tiny elf hands perhaps?!?

The tree.  This year my pals went off the rails when we were decorating the tree.  It seriously brought me back to when I was a tot and digging through boxes and finding my favorite ornaments from prior years.  I really think watching Christmas through your kids eyes is better than experiencing it yourself.  It brings you back to amazing memories AND you get to see the people you love more than anything in this world just about as happy as they can be.  It is almost like you get to relive your childhood but it is way better because there is wine and no one tells you when you have to go to bed….but you do have to wipe your own butt.  That is really the only downer.

I love that it is only December 5th and we have 21 days of holiday crafts, xmas cartoons, zoo lights, neighborhood caroling (just you wait – I will get video), cookie decorating, gingerbread houses, snowmen to build and more than anything…..bribes to be made.  The other night I got a 4 handed tiny back scrath for about 13 minutes while Peanut was in sight.  “L.A. – keep scratching, Peanut can see you!  Don’t you want that Spiderman pet?”  (For the record, my pals call stuffed animals “pets”)  Weird.

Tis’ the season for bribes!  And wine.