The timing could not have been more perfect – one kid comes home sick from school with a case of the trots, poop soup, Hershey squirts, brown snake shake, whatever you call it in your house.  Wait, I guess some people might actually call it diarreah.  Not us, we don’t really call anything by it’s correct name over here.  So the bathroom got to this point today and it was usable and that is amazing.  After 3 months or “10 Days” in Mark the polish contractor terms, we have a functioning bathroom.  It got quite the break-in today and L.A. logged (see what I did there) several hours on the toilet tonight and it could handle it all.  As he says, “Mommy, that toilet can hold a lot of brown snake shakes”.  Even Abbott scooted his chair up to get a closer look.  We all spent quite some time in there this evening.  When we ripped up the floors, we decided as long as we were going that far into it we might as well have the floors heated and it is amazing. Such a simple and inexpensive thing to do.  Highly recommended if you are redoing floors in a bathroom.  Eden was tripped out by the fact that her toes were hot in the bathroom so she tip toed around that place all night and I was tripped out that I actually had a bathroom, for the most part.  It has a flushing toilet, a sink to wash your mitts and a tub that will never be used.  Never.  Who ever heard of getting a bathtub just for show?  Only idiots do stuff like that….”Hello, my name is Jenn and I am an idiot.”  And if you take a bath in my vintage tub I will rub a rusty cheese grater over you eyeballs then sprinkle a bit of Tobasco in there as a finishing touch.  I am not sure what I will use it for but I will keep your posted.  So tomorrow we get paint then light fixtures, towel bars etc…then it is really truly a bathroom.  I will believe it when I see it but I must admit that I see the light at the end of the stinky tunnel.

On a side note about my kids calling things odd names.  I got a call from the teacher one day telling me that L.A. fell at recess and hurt his chin.  She said he got very upset because he had never heard anyone just call it a chin.  In our house, you guessed it – it is a chinny chin chin.  No way around that one.  My kids refer to their eyes as their peepers, shoes are referred to as kicks, they call the phone the horn – “Be quiet Eden, Mommy is on the horn,” a nose is a snoot.  It is amazing how they just pick up on what we say as adults and then roll with it.  My all time favorite was when Eden told her teacher that “Mommy puts tampots up her butt.”  Yes, tamPOTS…up…my…butt.  Wow.  I just smiled at that one.  All I could do.  Let her wonder.  For all I know their poor teacher thinks I walk around with Tampots in my butt while braiding my chinny chin chin hairs since I cannot pluck them, due to my buttery tweezers.

Our parenting is maybe not the norm because we probably have too much fun, buy too much crap, let them stay up later than they should be but they are only young once and it seems to flying by.   We are a fun family and tend to go overboard when we do things…..this is a character flaw I got from one of my best friends – my dad.  My dad has a nickname and it is “Excess Ed” because he likes to do it up,  that rubbed off on me.  If I am going to do something, just do it right.  For Abbott’s first birthday party, we are having a fiesta that will not be complete until I have real live mexican jumping beans for everyone, chiclets and Chupa Chups lollipops imported from Mexico, gummy chili peppers, personalized candy bars and personalized sombreros for all the tots – complete with stick on mustaches.  I have my amazing friend Mandy who owns This Pretty and does the most fun and customizable shirts.  She is outfitting all of us in fiesta wear for the shin dig.  Everyone from Arno and I and my pals, the birthday boy naturally but we also got the grandparents in on it too,  I am a firm believer that everything goes smoother when you wear a uniform, just look at Hooters.  The party is this weekend and I have been wrapping Mexican jumping bean apartments with care instructions, bundeling up gummy chili peppers in tiny cellophane bags, and the chiclets in bags.  The funny thing is my kids are not allowed to chew gum so they will get so excited to get the treat and then I will rip it from their hot little hands,  Our rule is that you have to be 6 to chew gum but you can get your ears pierced whenever you want.  As soon as she asks I will burn rubber to Claires.

Wait, how could I forget about the pinata?  I googled how you can convert it to a pull string one so kids pull a string versus whacking it.  This could be a total shit show because you know the first little booger is going to step up to the plate and pull the one string that will unleash all the candy……then we will have about 14 disappointed and hysterical kids who ended up with something lame like a pixie stick while some 5 year old is up there with the full size Snickers and the bottle of Grey Goose..  I still have to come up with a back up on this one so suggestions are welcome.  Help.

To celebrate our new bathroom, we pulled out ALL the stops for dinner.  We have been waiting for months for his day so what better way to celebrate that with lobster tails, crab cakes, sushi and cavier.  Or you could celebrate Gerbrecht 5 style with….wait for it….wait for it – English Muffin Pizzas.  Now think about the last time you had these?  Then immediately run to the store and get all the fixings.  They. Are. Amazing.  It does not hurt that it takes about 32 seconds to throw these bad boys together.

First thing you have to do is put a little Pam or butter or oil on the tinfoil, which I put over the actual cookie sheet.  Makes cleaning up WAY easier and I hate cleaning.  This too will ensure the bottom gets cripsy.  I can tidy like a beast but real deep cleaning can give me the heebie jeebies and there is no cure.  Back to the pizzas – Top them with your favorite stuff so everybody gets to make their own so the kids LOVE that part.  The key is to spread a little buttery substance before you hit the sauce.  We use Smart Balance in our house…..so slap  a spread of that, little garlic salt, them pizza sauce and toppings, pepperoni in my house (blech….I prefer sausage.  Always.  In everything from pizza to my parties to my bed).  But my pals like pepperoni so I take one for my favorite teamSuper smart thing to is that we write our name on the tinfoil so you never have to fight over who made which pizza.  Trust me, before I came up with this genius concept, there was pizza stealing, pepperoni counting and way too many tears to be shed over an english muffin pizza.  No tears – all joy.  Those are my rules that apply to these little guys.  Do yourself a favor and make them.  I know it has been about 23 years but dust that english muffin box off and give them a whirl.  You will not be disappointed.

We have T minus 4 days till the fiesta and lots of work today….any suggestions are appreciated.  Just do not attempt to ask me to pluck your chinny chin chin hairs with my buttery tweezers.  Not gonna happen.