Well, we did it.  We did not get the pesky little critters known as lice.  My pals school had an outbreak and it was running pretty rampant so yesterday we got an email about it from the principal and some fancy pants health board.  I don’t know but it seemed pretty official and scared the shit out of me.  I have seen what lice can do to a house and it is not pretty.  I had to send each of my pals to school with 2 dollars to have some old lady with rubber gloves let them know if they had critters or not.  We were told that if we received a phone call and had infected children, they needed to be picked up asap.  All morning I cringed every time my phone rang.  I figured once I made it to about 11 am, I was in the clear.

I have to admit, I was certain if anyone was going to get lice, it would be us.  Why wouldn’t we get lice?  We are the total lice family.  If I were lice I would want to live here.  It just seems right up our alley.  We wear Christmas pajama’s to bed in April, we eat english muffin pizzas every week for dinner, the manager (Rudy) at Taco Bell knows us, we just got a giant above ground pool in the mail, our favorite family movie is “Bad Grandpa” and we cried collectively when shamrock shakes ceased from our Thursday after school treat routine.

We go on walks that end up having every neighbor open the door to simply see what the hell all that noise is, I simply tell then that I have 3 kids and an insane Jack Russell and I am no longer the boss.  I lost that position about 6 months ago.  I was demoted.

So I regress but yes, we were thrilled that we passed the lice test with flying colors.  I did a quick check before school and it looked good to me.  For a split second I thought I saw something in L.A.’s luscious locks of hair but it turned out to be a sesame seed.  If anyone could tell me how in the hell he had a sesame seed in his hair, I would like to know.  Did he sneak out for Lox and a bagel without me?  Did he eat a bagel in bed?  These are all questions I have.

So I am sorry to every other family at St. Vincent’s that got those nasty critters because if they knew where they would be having the most fun, it would be right here, right now.  We could name them and teach them to do tricks. I am thinking Pedro, Simon, Chester, Pat and Hercules are all good names for lice.

But let’s be honest, I NEVER want to find out if Pedro and his pals like it at my house or on my kids noodles or in their beds or on their stuffed animals……and to all the mom’s who are disinfecting their houses as I type this and washing every shred of clothing – NEVER underestimate the power of Cabernet.