Ok, I hate to do this to you but I have to.  I absolutely have to.

If I had to see this, so do you.  Are you ready?  I would advise you look away but I know you.  You are going to scroll right down and check it out.  Remember – you have been warned.  I am giving you time to hit the back arrow and get back to trolling Facebook for your old college boyfriend or looking for some ridiculous craft on Pinterest that you will do when hell freezes over.  You know, the one with your kids footprints and glitter.

Last chance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ah, welcome back.  I knew you couldn’t resist.   What is this you ask?  I. Have. No. F’ing. Clue.

It haunts me.  It keeps me up at night.  I will admit though, my sister and I have laughed at this so hard we had tears coming from our eyes.  A lot of them.  Is it nuts?  Is it a butt?  Is this creature smuggling plums?  Is it a lady?  Is she holding a purse?  Should she invest in a pair of zubas?

More importantly, is it a taco butt?  Holy hell, if this is a taco butt, I may just grow a hump and move under the nearest bridge.  Is this my future?

You may remember that the taco butt is legendary in the Vogel family and it haunts us.  The origin is sweet Grandma Vogel who proudly showed it off her her purple polyester pants.  She so kindly passed it on the my father who who so generously passed it on to yours truly.  He also passed on a whole hell of a lot of white hair which if I did not manage would be recipe for disaster.   Once in a while I will get lazy on touching up the roots and my husband will start referring to me as “Pauly Walnuts”.  That is my cue.

If you recall a taco butt is a very flat ass that seemingly has points at the end.  I am not sure how this is possible but I do know it is the reason the I require a belt and I pull up my jeans 236 times a day.

I know what your next question is and the answer is this…..I have no idea where this came from.   I found it at about 2:00 in the morning and I have no idea what I googled that brought me here.  This could be the real problem.

So, you are welcome.  The next time you are getting ready to go out and are doing the once over in the mirror – you know where you check out your ass in the full length mirror while rubber necking your head to see every angle, remember this and say this, “damn, I look good.”  You do, trust me, you do.

After you tell yourself how good you look, make sure you enter a new event into your phone calendar for the year 2044.  “Go find Vogel and see if her ass looks like that lady with the plum nuts.”