I just got wind of it.  They have my picture up at the River Forest PETCO.  Do not sell any fish to this woman:

Actually, after closer review, do not sell anything that breathes to this weirdo.

I think I kind of look Homer Simpson in this picture and I am not going to lie – I like it.

Well, we tried.  We came home a couple days ago, exactly 37 hours ago with “Mommy” and “Buzz Superman”.  The nice stoned worker at PETCO assured me that I could do this and gave me instructions.  I instructed him that he had yogurt in his beard but that is not the point.  It was vanilla.

So here they were checking out their new home.  Pretty fancy and way better than that super crowded tank at PETCO.  I figured they hit the jackpot.

Upon closer inspection, “Mommy” (the orange one that was Eden’s) did not appear to be enjoying her new digs as much as Buzz Superman.  Eden informed us that “Mommy” was laying on her side.  Shit.  Not again.  She was still alive so we ran to Google and tried everything.  One lady told us to cut up tiny frozen peas for the fish (this did not work), one person said to shock it with new water (this did not work) and one person said to throw in the towel as it was 10:00 pm and hope for the best in the am (this did not work).

We woke up to “Mommy” floating at the top of her house while Buzz Superman just whizzed around his new house without a care in the world.  Eden was distraught.  LA was ecstatic.  “Yeah, now Buzz Superman doesn’t have to share his house!”  My sweet daughter cried and cried.  I explained to her that her fish was in heaven with her other 2 fish, “Mike Mommy” and “Molly Herman”.  The were up there eating salami sandwiches with Grammy and Uncle Bud.  This made her feel a little better.  She felt ok until I put “Mommy” in the toilet to  send on her way.

Then she decided she just couldn’t do it.  Then I couldn’t do it.  We shut the door for a while while LA begged for an hour straight to flush it down the toilet.  Even Abbott banged on that bathroom door like he wanted in on it.

After a couple hours, we went back in (mostly because I had to go pee and was too lazy to walk upstairs). We said goodbye to “Mommy”, shed a few tears, Abbott reached in and grabbed “Mommy” and then LA did what he had been waiting for.  He pushed that button and sent her on her way.  I am sure she is up in heaven with the other fish and my Grammy is making her homemade gnocchi and my Uncle Bud is building her a fancy new fish recliner to relax in.

So we are taking a break from fish for a while.  We still have Buzz Superman to keep alive and a dog, Enzo.  That just might be enough for us now.  Although I really do want a teddy bear hamster.  Aunt Sas has agreed to provide the rodent if we can get dad to agree.  Don’t hold your breath.