Well, it has been a while since you have heard from us over here at Camp Gerbrecht.  Holy. Balls.  No, we did not finally take that trip to the beach.  We took that trip to the toilet….and the garbage can….one by one.

It happened.  The flu.  Of course it happened one by one and worked it’s evil ways through the family one by one.  Poor L.A. got hit twice.  First and last.  That sucks.  He also added an ear infection on the second one just for fun.  He always has kind of been a show off, hasn’t he?

There is nothing worse than seeing your children sick, really any kids for that matter.  Even the annoying one’s.  There is just a sense of helplessness that takes over you and literally makes your heart hurt.  It also makes your gag reflexes hurt.  I have cleaned up more vomit, done more laundry and even cleaned toddler diarreah out from under my finger nails.  That was my favorite part by the way.

I will tell you what might have been worse than the poop under the finger nails – Dad being in charge while I was down.  I was down hard.  I am talking nearly shitting my pants while barfing over the edge of my bed and filling up my poor bathroom garbage can with a vile concoction of stomach acid and macaroni and cheese.  Meanwhile, my kids are crying outside the door to come in and watch Mommy throw up.  I put ear plugs in, a sleep mask on and tried to shut out the world for 24 hours.

I could not stop vomiting and my husband really did have some sage advice for me.  “Just go to sleep and you will stop puking.”  Really?  Really?  Thanks for the advice Dr. Kevorkian.  That is precisely what I will do.  Just shut my eyes and drift off to sleep dreaming of rainbows and pinot.

When I finally rejoined the world of the living after 24 hours, I shivered my way downstairs, took one look at my house and turned around and walked right back upstairs and crawled into bed.  I was in no way prepared to deal with the tornado called  “Dad was just in charge for 24 hours”.  So, maybe my pals wore the same pj’s for about 48 hours straight.  Eden’s hair never saw a brush let alone a bow and the baths never got drawn and I am sure they had a nice healthy layer of cheese on their teeth due to non brushing.  It happens…..as long as it only happens once a year because I cannot do that again.  If I am going to be that sick I better have had a knock out night before.  Those days are long gone because being hungover is just not in the cards.  There is nothing worse than being hungover with crying babies and shitty diapers.  Nothing.  It has happened a couple times since everyone was born and I am just not cut out for it anymore.    After a couple open bar weddings and girls nights.  Ouch.

So Mr. Flu – you have been warned.  Stay away.  We are done with you….done for good.  I am not impressed with how you simply overlooked the flu shot that the entire family injested in the Fall.  I am not impressed with you making my poor babies cry for hours on end.  I am not impressed with what you did to our insides.  Mostly, I am not impressed with your timing.  One by one?  Really?  Next time, just get it all over at once.  Please.  And give me some advance notice so I can call my mom.  That would be helpful.

Until next year Mr. Flu – screw you.  You are a vile beast and even though my mother said never to use the word “hate”, it applies here.  I hate you.  There.  I said it.

See you in 2015 Mr. Flu.  Until then – up yours.