Oh pot roast….why do you have such a bad rap?  Most people think that 200 year old ladies with purple hair make you in their pressure cookers from 1947 that are covered in flowers and something orange.

I have been corrected and for the record, Thank you.  Thank you very much.  I am personally not a huge meat lady but once in a while I like to have  bite of my husbands steak and LOVE a good bacon cheeseburger loaded with mayo (yes, mayo) and NO Ketchup.  Ketchup makes my skin crawl.  The sight, the sound and even the mere thought of the vile condiment makes me want to hurl in my “Hanes Her Way’ ladies large full hip underpants.  For the record, once the sides are more than 5 inches that means they are underpants (because at this point , they are not panties, they are straight up underpants and your grandma wears them too).  They are giant and the bonus is that if you forget your bra and you have had a kid or two, simply tuck your boobs right into your underpants and it is like a leotard.  See, I am saving you money already?!?!?  It is like a grandma panty/bra/girdle combo.

Anyway, I degress.  Back to the Pot Roast.  My mom who is one of the most exceptional cooks in the world by the way made pot roast one visit and I was so disappointed on the inside that my loins hurt.  Seriously Mom?  Pot Roast?  No thanks….I’m out.  I really appreciate you making it for dinner but I am not a big meat person so I will take  pass and have cereal (or sneak out this back door to Taco Bell).

I got talked into sitting down and trying it.  Just a bite she says.  Ok, I am game.  Let’s do this – pot roast.  Pot roast.  Pot roast.

Holy balls.  BEST.  Thing.  Ever.  It was this tender and flavorful shredded beef crumbling with amazing seasonings that even my kids loved.  My daughter said, “Mommy, can you please make us this meat?  It is delicious and brown with a lot of juice.”  She had me at delicious although brown and juice did not hurt.

It does not look like anything high brow so I wasn’t  expecting some elaborate recipe….maybe a bouquet of fresh herbs and reduced red wine or something.  No.  Not even close.

When I called LA in and told him we were having Nonie’s pot roast for dinner he squealed with delight.  “I LOVE THAT NONIE MEAT”

You have a crock pot?  Perfect.  Thrown a “roast” in there.  I buy whatever is on sale.  Don’t forget I am frugal and fancy but mostly frugal.  Damn you DAD!  I use about a 2 lb chuck roast but let’s get serious – I flat out ask the butcher what is on sale right now that will make the best pot roast tonight.

So I turn my crockpot up to high….always high.  Throw that piece of meat in.  No searing on both sides, nothing.  Add one can of cream of mushroom soup, one pack of Lipton onion soup mix, 1 cup of beef or chicken bouillon, whatever the hell you have.  I never have beef so I always use chicken broth.  I then add some fresh sliced garlic.(about 5 closes)  FRESH – not the minced stuff along with some salt and pepper to taste (about 1/2 tsp each) That is it.  Seriously.  Let it cook for about 5-6 hours and turn to low and add potatoes that are quartered (think GIANT fries).  Actually before adding the potatoes I take a tiny ladle and skim off all the fat and discard.  Keep this cruising along for about another hour then add some frozen peas and serve that stuff.  So easy that you think it is going to taste like hamburger helper but it is damn good.  I challenge you to try it.  When I have more time I make it over mashed pots versus roasting them at the end with peas.

The leftover shredded beef I cook down with cilantro, onions and cumin and make homemade enchiladas and quesadillas with them.

Keep in mind I eat tiny portions and put sirracha on EVERYTHNG.

Super good and beyond easy old school recipe that you will love.  Give it a whirl.  I promise you will enjoy it.  I really is best over homemade mashed potatoes b/c the sauce it makes (after you skim the fat) is like a delicious gravy.  I worked today so there were no homemade pots in our future….

This little guy even loved it.  Seriously?  Look at that face and deny him more “brown meat”…..I can’t do it.

Wait, that sounds a little perverted but it stays.  Abbott gets the shaft on a lot of things and I thought this was supposed to happen to the middle child, not the baby – the GIANT baby.  My giant baby gets scraps of hand me downs and wore Christmas pajama’s to bed tonight and to add insult to injury, they were WAY to small.  I nearly needed a shoe horn to get the pants on.

He does not get the shaft on attention or love though.  He is my compadre, my sidekick, my piece of the puzzle.  We do everything together, all day, every day and we love it.  His smile makes you want to attack your day and get a billion things done, it is like a tiny shot of espresso.  He is my tiny but giant love of my life.  I miss him when he sleeps.  His smile goes a long way and I NEED it.  One thing I did not need was his hair.  The poor guy was blessed with a ton of awesome things in his life but his poor hair was not one of them.  It is not even like hair.  It is like whispy stands of orangey silk.  It could not be thinner or straighter.  He needs a toupee and he is one.  Well, today was the day.  Haircut day.  FIRST haircut day.  He was starting to look homeless and more and more like Linus from the Peanuts gang with every minute that passed.

So, when my twins got their first hair cut’s, it was a whole to do!  We went to one of those fancy kid’s places where they video record it and save the hair in glass vials, give you certificates marking the occasion, take their photo for a commemorative frame.  You know, really do it up nice.

Abbott, poor Abs.  We marched outside (in a light rain and a soiled diaper, no pants and just a dirty pajama top),  I strapped him in the giant big wheel/car contraption and took a before picture.  Oh Linus!!

He was sad.  “Mommy, where is the fancy chair that looks like a race car with the kid’s movies playing?  Where are they going to sign my “First Haircut Certificate”?  Why am I sitting out in the cold rain with a rusty fiskars coming at my head?  Oh and by the way, where are my pants?  And, could you change my diaper?  I think I dumped about 36 minutes ago and it is starting to stink.  I ate corn for lunch.”  “Why am I in this old big wheel car thing?  You said we were going to the salon to get my haircut?  This looks like Salon Salmonella and I want out.”

oh Linus, it is for your own good.  Just sit still so I don’t give you that haircut from Dumb and Dumber.  You know Lloyd Christmas….Jim Carey.

Just sit still.  Don’t you dare move so I can get it just right……I am going for a David Beckman look with a touch of that Clooney sex appeal.

Wait for it….wait for it……

And…..ouch.  I tried.  Welcome to the family Lloyd Christmas.

Tomorrow I will be experimenting with some hair gels and possibly a home perm.  Wish me luck.

Well, it has been a while since you have heard from us over here at Camp Gerbrecht.  Holy. Balls.  No, we did not finally take that trip to the beach.  We took that trip to the toilet….and the garbage can….one by one.

It happened.  The flu.  Of course it happened one by one and worked it’s evil ways through the family one by one.  Poor L.A. got hit twice.  First and last.  That sucks.  He also added an ear infection on the second one just for fun.  He always has kind of been a show off, hasn’t he?

There is nothing worse than seeing your children sick, really any kids for that matter.  Even the annoying one’s.  There is just a sense of helplessness that takes over you and literally makes your heart hurt.  It also makes your gag reflexes hurt.  I have cleaned up more vomit, done more laundry and even cleaned toddler diarreah out from under my finger nails.  That was my favorite part by the way.

I will tell you what might have been worse than the poop under the finger nails – Dad being in charge while I was down.  I was down hard.  I am talking nearly shitting my pants while barfing over the edge of my bed and filling up my poor bathroom garbage can with a vile concoction of stomach acid and macaroni and cheese.  Meanwhile, my kids are crying outside the door to come in and watch Mommy throw up.  I put ear plugs in, a sleep mask on and tried to shut out the world for 24 hours.

I could not stop vomiting and my husband really did have some sage advice for me.  “Just go to sleep and you will stop puking.”  Really?  Really?  Thanks for the advice Dr. Kevorkian.  That is precisely what I will do.  Just shut my eyes and drift off to sleep dreaming of rainbows and pinot.

When I finally rejoined the world of the living after 24 hours, I shivered my way downstairs, took one look at my house and turned around and walked right back upstairs and crawled into bed.  I was in no way prepared to deal with the tornado called  “Dad was just in charge for 24 hours”.  So, maybe my pals wore the same pj’s for about 48 hours straight.  Eden’s hair never saw a brush let alone a bow and the baths never got drawn and I am sure they had a nice healthy layer of cheese on their teeth due to non brushing.  It happens…..as long as it only happens once a year because I cannot do that again.  If I am going to be that sick I better have had a knock out night before.  Those days are long gone because being hungover is just not in the cards.  There is nothing worse than being hungover with crying babies and shitty diapers.  Nothing.  It has happened a couple times since everyone was born and I am just not cut out for it anymore.    After a couple open bar weddings and girls nights.  Ouch.

So Mr. Flu – you have been warned.  Stay away.  We are done with you….done for good.  I am not impressed with how you simply overlooked the flu shot that the entire family injested in the Fall.  I am not impressed with you making my poor babies cry for hours on end.  I am not impressed with what you did to our insides.  Mostly, I am not impressed with your timing.  One by one?  Really?  Next time, just get it all over at once.  Please.  And give me some advance notice so I can call my mom.  That would be helpful.

Until next year Mr. Flu – screw you.  You are a vile beast and even though my mother said never to use the word “hate”, it applies here.  I hate you.  There.  I said it.

See you in 2015 Mr. Flu.  Until then – up yours.

As a mother of three little kids, I have battles EVERY day.  “Mommy I want to wear this Xmas tshirt to school in April.” “Mommy, I have to wear 3 pair of socks today.”  “Mommy, I need to sleep with this bag of sharpies.”  A couple of these things happened today because I picked my battles.  Yes, L.A. went to school in a holiday tshirt and wearing three pairs of socks but he did not get to go to bed last night with a bag of permanent markers.  You know why?  I pick my battles.  Sometimes it is not worth arguing over something so silly as what the kid wears.  I save all my energy for the big stuff.  Stuff that causes bodily harm or property destruction.  Sometimes my kids look homeless because they are now in the phase where they like to dress themselves and I am totally fine with it.  In fact, I try to encourage it at this point.

Abbott is too little to be battling me about what he wears or what time he goes to bed.  I am still the boss in regards to those items but he is the boss of the toys.  When he sets his mind on something, there is no changing it.  Yesterday was one of those days….and it involved a tampon.  A super plus one at that.

First thing in the morning he got into my purse and found it.  I tried to take it away and he cried.  I decided that he could carry it around, what’s the harm and he will set it down in 5 minutes and move on to something else, right?  Wrong.  So wrong.  He carried it around for about an hour so slowly but surely the wrapper came off.  Jackpot!  When he found out there was more to the new toy than an orange wrapper, he squeeled with delight.  It had a string!  It had two parts that he could take apart and put together…over and over and over again.  No problem, he was being quiet.

Then it happened.  It was time to leave the house.  I couldn’t really let him leave the house with a super plus tampon.  We had errands to run…in public.  I am not one to care what people think at all but I decided a one year old should not be cruising around the Jewel with an unwrapped tampon.  I broke the news to Abbott.  The tampon was staying home.  He did not take it well.  That is actually an understatement.

He was devastated.  Crushed really.  He howled for a good 10 minutes and I tried to give him another toy to distract him.  Not a chance, it was not happening.  He wanted that tampon and he wanted it bad.  Ugh…time to pick my battle for the day.  Do I let him take the tampon?  Well, maybe he will take it to the car and then drop it from his car seat and I will be in the clear.  Ok, fine, you take the tampon but it stays in the car, deal?!?!  He seemed to be on board.

He held on to that thing for dear life and just had this look of contentment on his face.  We got to the grocery store and he had a death grip on the thing.  Fine, you can hold it in the cart, just until we get into the store then Mommy gets it back.  It is a “parking lot tampon” only.  Deal?

No deal.  Not even close.  We got into Jewel and I tried.   He was grasping those 2 pieces of cardboard with every ounce of strength he had.  I could not pry it out of his hot little hands.  What the hell.  Battle lost.  Have your tampon Abs.

So my guy and I cruised around the store with his tampon.  He took it apart and put it together over and over, tapped it on the shopping cart like it was a drum stick, put it in his mouth like it was a sucker.  People stared and I just stared right back.  Yes, my kid has a tampon.  It could be worse right?  It could have been a knife or a sharpie.  At least it was new.

We stopped by a friend’s house and he marched right in clutching that damn thing.  Now it was looking a little ratty.  The cotton is coming out of the tube and it is dirty.  I keep telling myself it is helping with his eye/hand coordination.  He can take that thing apart and put it back together in about 2 seconds.

So yesterday I lost the battle.  The tampon battle.  It won’t be the last either.

Abbott and the Tampon – 1

Mommy – 0

Next up – the maxi pad.

I am not kidding when I tell you that it was 66 degrees today in Chicago.

Sixety.  Six.  Degrees.  The hot kind of air came here.  For real.

We have been living in a polar vortex and wearing snow pants to school in March.  My husband used the snow blower 10 days ago.  I got frost bite getting the mail 5 days ago so you can imagine what 66 degrees felt like.  It felt like a dream and a damn good one that ended with George Clooney and Taco Bell buffet.

I took a client out to look at fancy houses this morning but was home by noon and we were outside until the sun went down.  I felt like it was 1984 and all I was waiting for was my mom to tell me to get inside and drink my Tang and watch Mork and Mindy.  Running around without a care in the world.

We sidewalk chalked and scooted and swung and slid and most importantly fought.  You know, just because you move the party outside does not mean the fighting stops.  It NEVER stops.  96.74% of the time the twins are the best of pals but the other 3.36% (I think that math is correct) they are in a jitsu/karate/tae kwon do/fight club setting that makes you want to rip every hair out of your head and chin.

Today the problem was we found some giant random black ball in our yard.  God knows where it came from but it was VERY important and apparently whoever had the ball was even more important.

After I pulled out my new line (I have one for every season/holiday) – “Do you want a chocolate Easter egg?  Yes, you do?  Then give the ball to your sister for one minute…..give it to her for 2 minutes and you can have a jelly bean too.”  Works like a charm…..EVERY time.

You know what else we did?  We hop scotched.  When was the last time you chalked one of those out and hopped your little heart out?  Do it.  It was so fun and way to funny.  My pals are not very coordinated so watching them try to hop on one leg in the correct square was almost as funny and uncomfortable as watching Joh Travolta butcher Idina Menzel’s name at the Oscar’s.  That was bad,  Ouch.

Miss Eden – I tell her that she is my most favorite little girl in the whole wide world,  Hands down,  I have so many people in my family that are so close but no one will ever top my dream miracle baby girl  who is my very best girly pal.  The love of my life that Eden Barbara Anne.  Her and her 2 brothers got it all.

We scooted…..at a very fast 3 miles an hour.

We peeled around the dead yard for a few hours and scooted over the dead brown grass with everything from bikes to cars to scooters to pushing carts to plain old running feet – muddy feet.

And we busted out the side walk chalk….best deal ever.  1.00 for a whole bucket of chalk which will last an entire afternoon.  I stopped myself before I drew anything offensive and stuck with the standards….”Mommy, draw a pig!  Write my name!  Draw a Minion! Draw a rainbow and Mike Wazawski!”  I can oblige, no problem.  I am the world’s largest crafty nerd to this is right up my alley.

I asked someone to draw a box of wine and a yoga studio and cot for me to take nap on…….no one came through.  Bastards.  At least Taco Bell people…..come on.

We took over the swing set and had the standard twin/pal slide race.

As you can see…..a certain hairy one got a head start and greased his pants with crisco and his brothers vaseline we rub on his tiny buns before a diaper change.   That’s my guy.  I cannot argue with the way that adorable mind works.

So 66 it was and it was a dream.  We loved every second of it and have more amazing times to come out there.  I just ordered some ridiculous “above ground pool” for the backyard for the summer.  15 feet wide…It comes with a ladder to get in.  My husband is never going to talk to me again when he comes home and sees this thing set up.  I checked.  It can accommodate 3 adult “floats” along with various pool toys.  Ha!  He wouldn’t let me get a trampoline because he thought that was too “trashy”…….just you wait.  This is going to be amazing.  It even comes with chlorine tablets and a filter so you can keep it up for the long haul.  So, plan accordingly…..ditch your pool pass and come on over.  I also just ordered a 30 foot long snake sprinkler for the kids.  We do not mess around…….or maybe we mess around too much.  Oops.

Well we got our first Spring Break in the books.  The first time the kids were old enough to officially have a Spring Break at school.  I was thrilled!  We were going to Disney World, Sea World and were going to build a sand castle on the beach the size of Cinderella’s castle.  I was going to lay out in my new floral tankini I got from Kohl’s and have some drink with an umbrella in it.  Memories for miles and a nice tan to go along with them.  We are going to take a new family photo on the beach.

Wait, no we weren’t, not even close.  We didn’t even realize it was Spring Break until about 2 days before it started.  When I picked the kids up from school actually and the teacher told me to “Have a nice Spring Break!”  Wait, say what?  A nice what?  Holy balls did we drop the ball on that one.

So, what are you to do when you are stuck in Chicago and the weather is nearly below zero, there is still a foot of snow on the ground.  You fear your TV may shit out at any minute because it is on about 18 hours a day.  Thank God that DVD’s don’t have a specific number of views or I would have a stack of Disney DVD’s that would make lovely coasters.

Well, we decided to make the best of it…..we kicked it off with bowling and Build-A-Bear.  The trip to Build-A-Bear cost about as much as a flight to Florida.  We probably could have gotten a real live Koala bear imported and draped in a gold shawl for a new family pet for the same price.  The important thing is the kids had a great time and we did it together.  Sweet memories…but for the record, the “Bears” they built that have underwear, shoes and outfits are nowhere to be found.  L.A. also wanted his to sing a ONE DIRECTION song for 7 dollars but I put my foot down.  I relented on the 3 dollar SPONGEBOB theme song instead.

If you notice poor Abbott’s bear only got underwear.  Oops.

Bowling was a blast though.  We went to this great place on a rec from a friend, Pinstripes.  It was like a fancy bowling alley where people had all their teeth and and you did not worry that the shoes were going to give you gang green.  My pals loved it.

The best part was the time spent with their dad who works a billion hours a day to make sure they have every opportunity to enjoy life and succeed.  This was my favorite part.  Sometimes life gets so hectic that you forget what really matters.  Watching our kids smile ear to ear and roll the bowling ball down the alley with they daddy changes all this.  Blessed is an understatement.

Awesome day with my favorite people on the planet…..from there we decided to head North to my favorite place in the whole wide world – Green Bay, WI.  We needed some Nonie time but not before a pit stop for lunch in Milwaukee at Cheesecake Factory with some aunts and cousins.  We slowly ate our way up North….one chunk of cheese at a time.

Green Bay was so damn cold….colder than a witches tit really so we did not do much there.  We did make brownies and there is nothing wrong with that.  Making brownies with your Nonie pretty much tops the “awesome things to do” list.  Nonie lets you eat half the batter and stay up until 10:00.  She also lets you sleep with her.  Good times.  I remember begging to sleep with my Grammy and loving every second of it.  Talk about memories.  Grammy was an awesome lady who made you feel like you were her only grandchild even though she had about 57 others.  My mom does the same thing with my pals.  They are so blessed.  Always hopped up on sugar, but blessed.

After lunch out at my favorite place in GB, Margaritas for mexican, we headed back down to make our way back home and needed one last pit stop – Milwaukee.  Nothing better than Milwaukee because the Cahill’s live there.  One of my best friends from college and probably one of the funniest people you will ever meet – Auntie Ei….along with her gang who we all adore.

All of the kids are very close in age so we rolled in and they played – out of sight while we put some cheese and wine out of sight.  We laughed till it hurt and bitched about some of our problems like why Costco ONLY carries lime LaCroix and the fact that we still have our identical North Face jackets we got in college.  Damn, those things really do last!

It was a perfect end to Spring Break 2014.

There was NO sun, NO sand, NO beach and no Minnie Mouse sighting….but there was wine, good friends, the best family and lots of memories made.  As we say now, “We don’t need no stinkin’ beach.”  Well, at least for the next couple months.

You know when something plays out way better in your head then you got to do it in real life and it is a shit show?  This happens to me quite a bit when it comes to my kids.  I always give them more credit than I should.  It’s true.  Simply because in my mind everything plays out like a storybook and I think my 3 year old’s are going to like to do things that are really suitable for 7 or 8 year olds.  I forget it was just a mere year ago that they shit their pants.

Tonight was one of those nights.  I ordered model cars online for my pals to do with their dad.  Sure it said it was suitable for ages “6 and up with adult help” but they are VERY advanced 3 year olds.  Just yesterday, L.A. wiped his own butt.  True story.  They were figurines from the Cars movie so I figured it was even better.  We got Mater and Finn McMissle.

My husband opened the box and it was about 853 tiny pieces of molded plastic that required an exacto knife, a box of band aids to deal with all the tiny cuts and some extra sanity.  A cocktail could have come in handy too.  Basically what they did was build a matchbox car from the ground up…and it was ALL my idea.  I thought it was a great “project” for them to do with their dad.  After Arno (the big one) was getting frustrated, I offered to step in and help and my son, L.A., said to me – “Mommy, you cannot do this.  It is too hard for you.”  Ouch.  Double ouch.

I have a list of things that I have done like this that seem so much better in my mind that also regularly plays circus music.  Me and Homer Simpson.

Going to this place seems like a piece of cake.

What is the big deal, right?  Let the kids run around and play games while you have a salad from the salad bar, right?  NOT EVEN CLOSE.  You run around like a bat out of hell, trying to keep your eyes on both kids while lugging a giant baby who is giving you herniated discs but God forbid you set him down or you will hear his lungs in Toledo.  You get a migraine from your eyeballs darting back and forth across the room so fast trying to make sure noone pulls a gun on them.  Then after you spend 80 bucks on tokens your kids stand at that God awful “ticket muncher” (could they come up with a better name?) so your kids can feed the nubs of tickets in ONE BY ONE only to redeem all their hard work for a tootsie roll and a plastic spider ring.  All the while in their mind they are taking home one of the giant stuffed animals suspended from the ceiling.  Not even close.  You need a bout 45 trillion more tickets and your Mommy needs a lot more sanity…and wine.  Wine will help.

What about sledding?  SAME EXACT THING.

You get everyone all bundled up and spend a good 30 minutes doing so.  The first ride down the “hill” turns into near nightmares.  In your mind it was something from the 1950’s.  I truly pictured us on a toboggan, snuggling in a choo-choo train sitting situation,  sipping hot coco as we went down the hill.  It was more like screaming to get her on the futuristic spaceship sled, while I kicked the thing down solo with my foot while blood curdling screams echoed all the way back to 1950 I am sure.  And to make matters worse, after I changed her wet soggy clothes, I learned she does not like hot coco.  But what 3 year old likes piping hot liquids?  All my fault….played out way different in my head.  An amazing memory, just not the one I pictured.

Another good one that I learned my lesson on a long time ago – Thank GOD, is making cut-out cookies.  You know where you make the homemade dough roll it out, take the cut-outs and make all the different shapes?  Hell. No.  I have fallen for that one about 7 times and this year I wised up and it was brilliant.  I bought those logs of sugar cookies, cut off circles, baked them and let the kids frost and decorate those.  The clean up was a beast but they got the same enjoyment and I did not want to rip every hair out of my head and chin.  It was easy in the grand scheme of things.  Some would call me a cheater but I would just call me wise.

Their favorite shape is a circle too so hey, how can you argue with that.

One last one was this Christmas.  “Mom, I got an hour break, I am going to run the kids to the mall and get their holiday pictures taken “real” quick.  I am thinking we just go in there, get a cheezy Christmas backdrop with snowflakes and the three of them smile ear to ear and we are out of there in 5 minutes.    Right?  Totally do-able.

NOT. EVEN. CLOSE.

Who knew there was going to be a sled?  And 2 VERY naughty 3 year olds.

So many things that you think are going to be a piece of cake that are the opposite.

-The grocery store/Costco.  This ends up costing you WAY more because of all the extra crap you buy that they throw into the cart.  At some point a normal human gives in.  I admit that I do pretty quickly.  One point for my pals.

-Church.  We last about 2 minutes.  Maybe 3.  Then we need constant entertainment and end up driving everyone bonkers.  We have put a hold on this indefinitely, simply because it is not fair to the other church goers.  Why lug them to church with their ipads.  Defeats the purpose.  I would much rather tell them stories at home and teach them to act in the way that they should.  We say our prayers every night, so that is a step in the right direction.  Although, Miss Eden does pray for Minnie Mouse first every night.

The list goes on and on….and it will continue to because we constantly do stuff.  “Projects” as we like to call them.  Tomorrow we have a bowling project on the books.  It is Spring Break 2014 and it is going to be one for the books.  I picture L.A. bowling a perfect game and getting carried out on his dad’s shoulders.  Eden should win a crown for prettiest girl there and Abbott will take his first steps right down the bowling alley and win us a free pizza for being the first giant baby to do so.

I will keep you posted.  I have a good feeling about this one.

My tiniest pal, who is not so tiny is just begging for stitches.  Fingers crossed and knock on wood, we have never had stitches in our house.  Abbott has zero fear, especially of heights.  He thinks he is King Kong and his high chair is a giant black building.  He has tumbled down the hardwood stairs and rolled off the bed onto hardwood floor more than I care to recount.  You seriously cannot turn your back for a second or he is off…..or up…..or out.

This little turkey can worm his way out of high chair in about 2.2 seconds flat.    The best part is the look he gives me after he does it.  “Yeah, I did it Mom.  What are you gonna do about it?”

On a side note, where are his pants?  Why are my pals always half dressed?  Can anyone answer this?  My boys in particular DO NOT like pants.  The best part is that the other day I came downstairs and Abbott had his pants off – just diaper.

“Where are your brother’s pants?!?”   L.A. – “I took them off because boys don’t wear pants.  He needs giant underwear too instead of those diapers.”  Well hell might freeze over before I put my 1 year old in a giant pair of underwear.   Cleaning is most certainly not my strong suit and I know what a one year old in underwear would do.  Poop slithering out of giant leg holes on Batman underwear is not in my future.  Give me at least a couple weeks, I mean years to come to grips with this!

Before he poops out the side of his brothers giant underwear, he needs to see what is going on outside.  He is VERY curious and simply cannot miss out on anything.  If he hears something he thinks he might be missing out on, he puts his head down and crawls as fast as he can to get there…..He is usually relieved to find out I am just folding laundry but God forbid I load the dishwasher w/o him.  Holy hell.  That is like his dream appliance.  His eyes light up and he gets an extra pep in his crawl when he sees that thing come down.  He lifts his weight up on that thing and surveys that dishwasher like he is going to give it a total redo.  Those giant peepers go back and forth, back and forth, before settling on…….the sharpest thing the little guy can find.  ALWAYS.  “Here mommy, I grabbed this giant jitsu knife that you put in the way back and I found it is 2.3 seconds.”

Yama Mama.

He wanted to look out the window the other day and needed a boost…..just a tiny boost.  The boost about the size of a wheel.

Then after he gets done with his daredevil ways, he likes to chill out…….

Chill WAY out with his bottle.  Just make sure he has a pillow.

When did St. Patrick’s day turn into a real holiday?  I always thought it was just an excuse to go buy a new cute green shirt and get shit faced for the day.  You could start drinking early and just go all day.  Apparently there is more to it now.  There are leprechauns that need to be caught so special traps need to be made.  Your food and milk need to be green….it is quite a production once kids are involved.  I had no clue until my pals came home from school all excited about building a leprechaun trap.  Don’t get me wrong, it is right up my alley. I love doing crafty, creative things with my pals.  Not because I am super mom but more like super nerd.

So we started by naming the Leprechaun that we were going to catch after he slid down the chimney like Santa.  Apparently Santa is friends with all the Leprechauns, who knew?  We named our guy Leonard and we got to work getting ready to catch the little critter.

There were a few tears shed over the creative direction of the trap.

Then we also had a few tears shed when we were setting up our trap.

A certain someone wanted to eat the skittles that we used to make a trap to catch Leonard.

We tried to catch the little sucker but he was just too quick.  He did leave behind some treats though because he felt bad that we couldn’t catch him.  When we lifted up the box the next morning, we were hoping to find a one foot tall guy with a white long beard but instead we found bubbles, sidewalk chalk and some green candy!  We would have preferred finding Leonard under that box because I was ready to get him going on my 8 foot high pile of dirty laundry.  I have heard leprechauns are great workers and God knows I could use an extra set of hands.

So just when we thought we were in the clear, my pals went to use the bathroom and found out that Leonard whizzed in our potty and did not flush!  That little shit.  This got the kids wondering why he didn’t poop too because they have never seen green poop.  I have seen green poop more than once in a diaper.  You know when you open it up and get a poop surprise?  You sit there mentally trying to figure out what the hell the kid ate to turn it that color.

Then it was time for some of our favorite pals to come over for Guinness, green noodles, rueben pizza and corned beef and cabbage.

We turned the noodles green by adding about 10 drops of food coloring in the noodles before we added the noodles and cooked them as we normally do.  They were so fun and we will for sure be doing this again with other colors.

So we had the traditional corned beef and cabbage but I also thought about doing something different so as I was tossing and turning with my insomnia a couple nights ago I thought of Reuben pizza.  I bought Naan at Costco and made a homemade thousand Island dressing (2/3 cup mayo, 1/3 cup ketchup, about 1/2 cup chopped dill pickles, about 1/4 cup onions, 3 cloves freshly grated garlic and salt and pepper to taste).  I layered the dressing then topped it with a mix of cheese – swiss and munster, then sauerkraut then the corned beef.  It was awesome.  I will certainly make this again.  The key is making the homemade sauce.

It was a great day that I got to get my crafty nerd on and celebrate with some good friends.  My tiniest leprechaun pal even got in on the green action.

Up next, Easter.  We are psyched to have a real yard this year to do an easter egg hunt.  Last year we did it in the house and it was about as lame as Star Jones.  Now I need to get out there and pick up all the dog shit.  If I would have caught Leonard, he would be out there doing that job too.  Damnit.  There is always next year.

Wow.  My Friday nights sure have come a long way from wearing hotpants and closing down the bars to playing Cootie and making dumplings.  I really would not have it any other way although I could do without the grease burn I got after my pals and I friend up 80 chinese dumplings on Friday night.  Yes, Friday night.

My pals absolutely LOVE to cook with me which I adore.  Everything takes a bit longer, well more than a bit, and the clean up can be out of control but it is always a great time.  So on Friday, I got a recipe from my friend Nicky for her famous chinese pork dumplings, kind of like potstickers.  It took the entire night to fry these babies up but I have to say it was worth it.  We made 80 and they were gone in less than 24 hours.  I am still not sure how this is even possible but it happened.

First we chip chopped everything.

Eden was mesmerized by the green onion for some reason.   She thought it looked like a laser.

We used the premade wonton wrappers which made things pretty darn easy.

Abbott did not appreciate when we put one on his head like a hat.  We thought it was awesome.

Eden did an awesome job sealing up the wontons.  We used a mix of eggs and water to seal those babies up.  She was very serious about this…..I loved her concentration.  She is very precise.

We fried them up in batches about 12 at a time and I had 2 frying pans going.  The boys were in charge of supervising this step.  They did a darn good job, I must say.  (They are on the back burners so they cannot reach the pans)

I got distracted for a second….or 5 minutes.

Don’ think we didn’t eat them….even burnt to a crisp, they were damn good.

So if you are feeling adventurous, go ahead and make these.  You will not be disappointed.  Your kids can help stuff and seal them and they are so darn good they are like eating potato chips or Thin Mint cookies.  You just keep eating them and have zero control.  We mixed sesame oil, green onions and soy sauce for dipping and I bought sweet and sour and hot mustard from the grocery store as well.  Damn good stuff.

RECIPE: